Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Amber teething, real or woo?

My lil peanut is starting to chew on everything.......I mean everything. Most of his time is spent shoving a burp rag in his mouth to chew on.  I'm no rocket scientist but I assume this is the beginning of teething no?  Lots of drool and chewing.  Sure fire signs right?

I see a TON of moms out there putting these necklaces on their kids and claiming that it is the miracle cure for the teething woes.  I am a fan of anything that relieves my kid of pain and takes him from angry panda to happy baby.  I decided to look into this miracle cure. 

(from google, of course)

I am a fan of science.  I feel that science proves many things in life.  Naturally I went to the science of these teething necklaces.   I had a hard time finding anything that shows evidence of these working.  Before you chew my head off, I'm not saying they don't work, I'm just saying there isn't much science to support them.  DO NOT start sending me links to mother jones or natural news with articles of how they work.   We won't be friends.  They are not an unbiased source of info.  Just saying

So here are a few questions to all the amber wearing teething moms out there.  I would love your thoughts and insight to help me make a decision as to if I use these.

1.)  Here is where I have a hard time.  Apparently it lets off this natural analgesic substance called succinic acid which is to be what relieves gum pain.  Wouldn't the concentration need to be pretty strong to be able to absorb through the skin, into the blood stream, and make it to the point of pain?  There is only around 1.4mg of said succinic acid in these necklaces.  To put that in perspective, in a regular dose of children s tylenol there is 160mg of acetaminophen which is your pain killer.  This is why I just find this hard to believe.  Not saying it isn't, I'm just saying the science isn't there to make me a believer.

2.) How in God's name do you put something around your babies neck and not fear of choking?  Didn't they remove the strings in sweatshirts and coats because of fear of choking?  Now we voluntarily will put something around their neck?  Gives me anxiety.  What if it breaks and they swallow the beads?  what if they get their hand tangled up in it?  These are questions I have?

So for all you amber wearing moms out there, share with me your success stories, becuase as of now, I have serious doubts.  Make me a believer.  Plus I just don't see my husband allowing me to put a necklace on his baby boy.  Ha!! 

Happy Day!

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Mommy guilt and other nonsense

Becoming a mom has shown me a whole new group of crazy.  Prior to popping out my lil nugget, most of the crazy I encountered were all the anti's that were on facebook.  Anti anything really and you could find a group of people so passionate about their beliefs that they were on the verge of needing white coats.......

So now that I am a mom, I find that my newsfeed on social media, and the fact that my computer knows my every move and suggests creepy things I may just be thinking about, suggests and shares all things mommy.  Recently the ol' interwebs are being bombarded with the "DO NOT PUT YOUR COAT ON YOUR CHILD IN ITS CARSEAT".  Holy hell.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine an image such as this could wreak such havoc among mothers of today

Naturally I am a sucker for the's like a bad train wreck, I can't look away.  This is where the crazy happens.  A mom from Minnesota comments that she will not be taking the coat off of her baby in -20 degree temps.  Her child is well secured and will be just fine.  Well that didn't sit well with another mother as she replies to Minnesota's comment with "I hope that you and your children die from your stupidity"..........Um.......Wha..........I just.........   Where did that even seem like a good idea?  Who are you to wish death upon another family because they don't seem to see your view as the same?  Just.  Wow..

Since curiosity kills me, I had to test this theory. I put a coat on my lil nugget.  Strap him in the car seat.  Pull the straps tight.  Take him out, take off coat, put him back in and strap up.   Unless the 1/8 of an inch difference could be the cause of my child flying out of that strapped in harness (highly doubtful) I will also be keeping the coat on him.  There literally was hardly any difference from taking the coat off.  So to the crazy death wishing your jets.  Do you.

I just don't understand this mommy shaming/guilting that is happening in today's society.  Who are we to tell everyone how to raise their children?  Maybe you are in fact doing it wrong?  hmmmmmm?  It is never ending. How about we start lifting each other up instead of dragging each other down.  Lets be real, it's difficult enough to get ourselves and the kid around in the mornings and out the door with child in hand let alone remembering to strap him in the carseat.  (did that happen?  maybe so, maybe no......).
Happy Day!

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

I see those Judgy Eyes

Happy October friends!!  It has been a solid month since I have you can see that real life Wednesday idea was great in theory.......good effort.  If you haven't picked up by now, clearly the Gerber soothe formula was a life savor.  Life. Savor.  After about week 8 we have had nothing but a happy, smiling, laughing, lil bambino.  With that, life has pretty much flown by at an incredible pace and my peanut is now 4 months old and we are 10 Fridays away from Christmas!!  If that didn't give you anxiety I don't know what will.

Speaking of flying and time and if all of those things are in common, we come to the issue at hand.  Last week a group of my closest girl friends and myself, whom are all turning the dirty 30 soon, hopped on a plane and took a nice relaxing poolside vacation to Las Vegas for the weekend.  I know what you're thinking.  Yes you there judgy eyes.  You quickly glanced back up to the previous paragraph to see that I mentioned my child was 4 months old and you quickly made a comment in your head such as......she left her baby at 4 months old!?  I heard this numerous times.  I guess I am confused.

Many were quick to let me know that their child was 3 years old before they left them for the first time.  Another was sure to share that they couldn't imagine leaving their child that young!  How could I actually leave and have a good time?  Well here is how.  I suppose I am one of the lucky few (?) that married an incredibly responsible and nurturing father who is extremely capable of keeping our little one alive for the 3 days that I was away?

I mean I didn't really think anything of the trip until everyone started informing me of the timeline between the birth of their child and when they left them for the first time.  It usually ended with the same time frame of over a year old.  Don't get me wrong, I missed the lil peanut immensely and we face timed daily, but my question lies........why are we so quick to judge a mother for leaving the child in the hands of the father at a young age.  We don't bat an eye when the father leaves and the mother is home caring for the child do we?  Just a thought.......

If you were wondering, the weather was perfect and we had a wonderful time preparing for upcoming milestone of 30........but in the words of Carrie Bradshaw... "30 is the new 20 right?"

Happy Day!

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Real Life.....

So last week I said I was going to start a series of real life Wednesday......  As you can see this Wednesday business is clearly a difficult task.  So it's more like real life who really cares what day it is.  That will be my new title.  Here we are another week later.  Not much has changed except my child is a week older.  I get an email from the hospital that explains what my child should be doing week to week.  That shit will give a new mom straight up anxiety.  So for example this week it says that my child should start reaching his hands up at me when he wants picked up.  Are you freaking kidding me?  I swear last week they told me that he still can only see 10 inches away from his face and now you are telling me he can see me enough to let me know he wants picked up?  Blasphemy i say.  Who comes up with this weekly update?  So here I am standing in front of my son, testing this theory.  Fail.  He is still in a flailing arm stage.  They clearly have their weeks screwed up.

Pretty sure that most of my baby posts revolve around baby poop. Well this week is no different.  Pretty much every time my lil peanut makes a turd and I go to change him, he puts his foot in poop. I don't know how he manages it most of the time but he does. It's a conspiracy I swear.  Sometimes it may be a solid couple hours after a diaper change that I notice he has a poop smear on his foot.  Like it magically appears.  I swear I check to make sure he is poop free.  Where is it coming from?!?!?!

That is currently what I am dealing with in my real life.  The fact my child is behind on his arm reaching to let me know he wants picked up and his phantom poop smears that appear outta no where.

On a side note, we are 1 day away from one of the best national holidays of the year.  Labor Day you ask?  No, obviously because that is Monday and not 1 day away.  It's the beginning of Spartan football!!!!  He is pretty excited about it if you can't tell!

Have a great holiday weekend!!

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Real Life Wednesday

I had the idea of starting a series every Wednesday that shares a glimpse of my real life.  I find that the ole interwebs tend to show people with the white picket fence, hair and makeup done, and dinner on the table with the perfect family.  However the real life behind the computer screen is mad chaos.  Why do we hide it?  Why do we try to paint a picture to everyone that we have life all together.  

I am here to break that mold and let you all know it is ok to not have your shit together.  My life is bananas right now.  Straight up bananas.  I have a hard enough time remembering to eat let alone have my hair and makeup done.  Here is a lil glimpse into my real life......

My kid makes man sized turds.  To the point that you see here.  I am feeding him, minding my own business and with one solid grunt I am holding a handful of poo.  As i tell my sister "Do something!" I was thinking more like grab the kid so I can wash my hand, she instead grabs her phone to take a picture.....classic

Currently my son has eyes for 6 ounces of milk but the stomach capacity for only 4 ounces.  In turn that means mama wears the bottle shortly after feeding.  Straight down the shirt soaked with curdled milk.  It smells wonderful too might I add.  

So there you have the first edition of real life Wednesday.  Stay tuned next week for more madness.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Weight loss with a lil Zantac

First let's talk about weight loss after pregnancy. Pumping/breast-feeding is like a secret magic tool.  It conveniently makes weight quickly fall off. Two weeks postpartum I was down 5 pounds pre-baby weight. That is all of my baby weight plus an additional 5 lbs if you couldn't do the math. Four weeks postpartum I was down 10 pounds pre-baby weight. Pre baby weight!!!! That is a total of like 31 lbs. At this point I pretty much felt like a rockstar.  Then comes along a little thing called a plugged milk duct. (If any of you need to know how to get rid of said plugged milk duct refer to this post). 

After that little treasure of an experience showed up I could only produce one ounce of breastmilk so I stopped pumping. Gasp I know, my child only got one month of breastmilk so I'm sure he will not thrive or prosper (insert mom shaming that my child was not breast-fed for one year). I wasn't really even a fan of pumping anyway so I was impressed I made it 4 weeks. I really just wanted to know what it felt like to be a milk cow. (Kidding........kind of). 

So now fast-forward to week five postpartum where I am only down 5 pounds pre-baby weight. Yes that means I in fact gained 5 pounds back.  We are now at six weeks postpartum and I am only 2 pounds lighter than pre-baby weight. Dammit, I am going backwards. I suppose I should stop eating ice cream multiple times a day since I am no longer excreting milk from my tits. So there's that.

On to the Zantac.  I like to update you all on my angry baby situation for what reason I don't know, other than maybe this will be a cute timeline for later on to refer to as to why my hair turned grey so quickly. We started my adorable lil peanut on Zantac last night for his reflux. Zantac.....not Xanax.  Everyone pauses when I mention Zantac thinking I am treating my child for panic attacks.  No.  After about an hour of medication I had a laughing and smiling baby......yes, I said laughing not crying.  
Look at that precious thing.....How can it really ever be mad and scream for hours you ask....I'd like to know as well

So the good news is that the happiness lasted about 2 days.  The bad news is that the happiness lasted only 2 days.  We now have screaming gas pains......I took him to meijer to get a new formula to try (Gerber soothe please be my saving grace).  He screamed the whole time.  The check out lady was like, "are you a new mom?" I replied, yes, how can you tell?  She laughed and said "the anxiety in your face and spit up down your shirt."  She then said "Don't worry it gets better".  If I hear that one more time I may go bananas.....I need gets better to happen pronto!!! 

 So now we wait to see if the new formula will help.  I mean if we get rid of the gas and screaming he would literally have no reason to cry.......but what fun would that be?

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Thank you Old Milwaukee Light

I have officially become my grandma.  I have aged myself a solid 50 years.  I had an Old Milwaukee Light this past weekend and it has never tasted so good.  Or it could be the fact that this is only the second beer I have had in the 5 weeks following the birth of my lil nugget.  I used to wrinkle my nose at the thought of having to drink an Old Milwaukee Light, but after a month of trying to figure out what a newborn baby wants when he cries......I was willing to drink anything at this point.  Pure deliciousness, that's what that tasted like.

We are now officially into week 5 of this adventure called parenthood.  I think it is important to keep it real because so many people try to make child raising sound so easy and glorious.  Everyone's child is an angel and never cries or makes you want to drink a 30 pack of Busch Light in one sitting in an hour time period.  I have quickly realized that they are all liars.  Lies I say!!!  All babies cry and drive you batty at times.  I'm not buying it that they don't.  No shame here in admitting that.

I love here is a good one.
Everyone told me about a time that would come when my little angel would have a blowout in his car seat. Not my child I thought.  He has cute lil baby poos and I quickly change him and all is well in our wonderful world. Today that all changed.......

As I was sitting waiting for my sister to show up to go for a walk in 90 degree weather with 100% humidity......dumb....I noticed my lil angel grunting.  Grunting and turning his face red.  I thought, awe lil peanut, you gotta poo?  So I go sit in the back seat waiting on the arrival so I can quickly change him.  Because I am johnny on the spot like mentioned earlier on the diaper change end.  He finally pushes out what I thought was a turd along with some farts.......  Nope.  All poop.

I pull his hand up, which was conveniently by his side, to get him out of his car seat and his had is covered in baby shit.  I slightly freak out.  Naturally when i grab his had to keep him from so kindly putting it in his mouth he smears it across his face. Baby. Poop. Everywhere.

I lift him from his seat......Woah....

 My lil dinosaur took a dino sized shit......clearly

Car seats have little to no nooks and crannies that poo can nicely get stuck in.  Said no one ever.  So here's to you Old Milwaukee Light!  Thank you for being so tasty and getting me through yet one more milestone in baby's life.  Also, let this be a lil public service announcement for all you soon to be moms out there.  Don't buy a car seat that doesn't wipe down easily.......